it hurts

Why do you still have this power over me? There's been so many years since our last kiss, since I took that stupid decision and break everything up. I still regreat that moment, but sometimes I wonder that that was better this way, I wasn't ready back then. But the problem is that now I am and I can't have you anymore, I just want you. I try to look at other boys but all I can see is you, none of them look as interesting and handsome as you are. Just you be around me and my heart goes crazy, one touch to wake me up, how is it possible? Now I don't even need to be around you to feel this way, it's just I see you online and my heart beats fast, I get nervous, my mind can't think right. All I want to do is talk to you, apologize and ask for a second chance. But that's me and I'm too coward to talk to you again, I tried, but you ignored me, you said you had to go. I don't feel like I'm strong enough to risk another goodbye when all I dream is a hello. Why does it have to be so hard? I wish I were stronger enough to jump, to risk and if I took another goodbye or worse, I would just move on. Will I ever be like this? I hope it doesn't hurt forever because I can't take it much longer, soon you'll get another girl and I'm not ready to this, I'm not strong enough. But I have to learn how to be. I have to make a decision and deal with the consequences. I can't do it anymore, I can't suffer alone. Either I get you or I forget you, there's no other choice. If you don't want me anymore I'll find someone that does. This is my last vacation thinkng about you. I'm done with this pain.